Should I start a birth search?
No one can tell you when/if the time is right but God. And since He's all into this adoption stuff, He wants to assist you. Psalm 37 says, "He will give you the desires of your heart." So why not trust Him for it? As you make this question a matter of prayer, follow your heart. And know at the onset that this whole search will not be easy, but worthwhile. Your search may take a few weeks and up to many years. So before you begin, cover the bases with your adoptive parents. Convince them your search has nothing to do with them--they didn't fail to do anything. They are a permanent piece of the puzzle of your life, but you do have a missing piece you'd like to know about. Ask for their blessing and assistance.

Where do I start?
We have provided a partial list of birth search-assist organizations in our Resources section, or you can search the Internet under "birth search" for hundreds of other options.

How long will a birth search take?
I have talked with literally hundreds of adoptees who did a birth search for biological parents and siblings. I have yet to find one person tell me it was a cinch. Use every pinch of information you can gather. The search organization will give you an idea of what you might expect, depending on the material you've given them to work with.

I'm afraid to contact my birth mom--she rejected me once already.
Because you are alive, you can be assured that your birth mom did not reject you! (Those who suffer from post-abortion syndrome will know what I'm talking about.) It was out of love (not rejection) that your mom took the hard way--not the easy way--out for you. And because God is the author of life, there are no illegitimate children! When you approach your search from this positive standpoint, you are motivated to tackle and complete a successful birth search.

	Adoptive Parents Ask:

At what age should we tell our child about his/her adoption?
"Should haves" don't count, so don't beat yourself up over the, "We should have told him!" There is no firm age at which all children are ready to hear the news. But, if your child is a preschooler, drop the clues to them now. "You weren't in my tummy, but you were in my heart," etc. Begin to make this a positive now. This way you'll be demonstrating that you understand this is not "mine." Children belong to the Lord who has placed them all temporarily in your care. Even as birth moms, the children come through us, not from us; they are God's decision.

Should we do a birth search on his/her behalf?
Please leave this decision up to your own child. 80% of adoptees never search for many different reasons. This process is best left to their discretion. You can prepare your heart and hold the child openly in your hands. This way, if and when the time comes that they want to search, you will be emotionally prepared to support them.

Lee, what is your relationship with your birth daughter's (Julie's) adoptive mom?
Very good! When Julie and I first appeared on TV and radio talk shows, we would take Julie's sweet adoptive mom, Eileen, with us. Two mothers with one daughter! We have worked out a fine relationship. She knows I am not in the picture to replace her--but to be an extended family member. The only one who may struggle is Julie's husband--he has TWO mothers-in-law!

	Rape Victims Ask:

Q's & A's to come...Stay tuned!

	Cancer Strugglers Ask:

Q's & A's to come...Stay tuned!

	Widows Ask:

Q's & A's to come...Stay tuned!

 

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